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Parent Taming - Book Cover - a comedy book for new and soon to be parents
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Book Cover Required. Title: Parent Taming The Several Habits of Highly Successful Babies “At last a guide that systematically explains the key strategies with which to utterly break your parents in that crucial first year.” Brief: Design needed for comedy book targeted at first time parents. Target Market: 20/30+ something PARENTS with a sense of humour having a child for the first time. CONTEMPORARY AUDIENCE. Style: We're looking for contemporary Illustration combined with typography. No photography. Physical Size: 190mm x 174mm Portrait 144 pages, Full Colour Approach: The design needs to appeal to the parents without being overtly childish. Possible (optional) addition to cover design, Sticker to explain to viewer the book contents: NEW PARENTS! YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK Learn all the dirty tricks babies use to mess with your head for their own amusement. Page samples attached: The attached page samples are early drafts so that you can get an idea for content. Illustration is yet to be added to the content shown. Overview: “PARENT TAMING The early years” is a comedy book for new and soon to be parents. The book parodies management gurus and parenting books to gently poke fun at all the ways in which babies can make your life harder in the early years. Aimed at the 1990’s generation who are finally getting around to making babies it’s an ideal gift for a parent friend who is already getting just a little sick of information overload and cute booties. The book is packed with gently subversive one liners and cute visuals in order to appeal to the widest possible audience. It will be funny enough for the naughty people and cute enough for the not so naughty people and it should get past Tesco’s board of family values censors should they ever decide to stock it. All the gags come from the perspective of naughty babies sharing tips for messing with their parents’ business.
Overview: “At last a guide that systematically explains the key strategies with which to utterly break your parents in those crucial first years.” - A. Baby Reviewer “When you’re a baby you gotta rely on your household staff to get you everything you want. The problem is, they think they know better than you. So you gotta break ‘em in.” Baby guru, Ryan James Stickebachher reveals the secrets to taming your parents. “PARENT TAMING The early years” is a comedy book for new and soon to be parents. The book parodies management gurus and parenting books to gently poke fun at all the ways in which babies can make your life harder in the early years. Aimed at the 1990’s generation who are finally getting around to making babies it’s an ideal gift for a parent friend who is already getting just a little sick of information overload and cute booties. The book is packed with gently subversive one liners and cute visuals in order to appeal to the widest possible audience. It will be funny enough for the naughty people and cute enough for the not so naughty people and it should get past any supermarkets’ board of family values censors should they ever decide to stock it. All the gags come from the perspective of naughty babies sharing tips for messing with their parents’ business. INCLUDES: Just how much trouble can one cause with only basic rolling and grabbing skills? There is only one place a highly successful baby should choose to throw up - and that is directly into the keyboard of a brand new laptop. A white shirt is a sign of disrespect to you. It signals that the adult is not taking you seriously and feels that you are ‘under control.’ What if I told you that you could live a life like this... You decide when it is bedtime. You decide when it is party time. You decide what you can and cannot put in your mouth. Well I’ve got news for you bubba. That is exactly how I lived in my first year on planet Earth. How did I do it? I was just like you. I didn’t know jack. I got squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste and slapped on the ass then suddenly it was all about rules. But I got wise. I thought about what I was doing. I noticed other babies were getting whatever they wanted all the time. So I studied them. And this is what I found. There are seven simple habits of successful babies. And I want to share them with you today. SLEEP DEPRIVATION THROWING STUFF EATING STUFF NOT EATING STUFF POOPING GERM WARFARE FAVOURITISM When you learn how all these simple tactics work and when to employ them, I guarantee you will have TOTALLY COMPLIANT adult carers, desperate to do anything you wish at any time of the day or night. Each chapter explains the subject in simple terms and then gives a real life case study. Helpful advice from babies who’ve been there and done it. Counter attack - secret strategies parents use to control you analysed in depth. Not only do I tell you how to win the war for household domination. I show you all the secret parenting tricks they learn in parenting school and how to undermine them. Affirmations and creative visualisation. Build up your baby confidence. NEW with this edition a whole extra chapter on sabotaging an elder sibling and ways in which an elder sibling can be used to further weaken and control your staff. From the author of ‘25 seconds with a knife’. The seminal book that revolutionised those precious moments between grabbing a knife off the dinner table and your mum grabbing it off you. Excerpt - For most babies the excitement is too much. They waste twenty seconds waving the knife about and gawping. But think about it...how many times can you hit a plate with a knife in 25 seconds? All that stands between you and glory is a failure to seize the moment. I know of one baby who made it all the way to the front room and jammed that knife right into the DVD tray. Heroes are not born, they are made. PARENT TAMING Sleep Training - Learn the Best Patterns of Sleep Deprivation. Throwing Stuff - Which things to throw for maximum effect. Favouritism - Leave Daddy out in the cold for years then inexplicably switch sides. Poo poo - Choosing the best moments to fill your pants. Food - Today I love grapes tomorrow I HATE THEM. Phones - How to unlock a smart phone and call the emergency services. CONTENT IDEAS There is only one place a highly successful baby chooses to throw up - and that is directly into the keyboard of a brand new laptop. Halfway through a very long car journey - why not try projectile vomiting? A white shirt is a sign of disrespect to you. It signals that the adult is not taking you seriously and feels that you are ‘under control.’ Whenever you feel fresh air on your ass - pee. It really is as simple as that. Try to hold back a pee for this contingency. Especially if you are a boy. A ‘loose cannon’ really gets the parents jumping. Look out for opportunities to get poop in the clean laundry. What is clean laundry? You even notice you don’t wear the same warm things all the time? When you aren't wearing them they become ‘laundry’. Adults love laundry. They do it pretty much all the time. PARENT TAMING is Funny, Cute & Cathartic
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